Lesbianing with AE! you have fallen for a pal, but does she like girls? – AfterEllen

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Hey Lindsey,

Thus I’ve been heading crazy with racking your brains on if my personal any friend likes myself. Therefore here’s a number of the things that have actually happened….So once we initially became pals she made a build a bear and said it was all of our infant then she planned to fake date and I swear she used to be all flirty nevertheless when we shared with her that we liked the woman she had been all like i love you too but just as a friend and I’m confused because I imagined I found myself right and I was actually merely wondering would not you think the exact same thing if someone else performed that to you?

-Becca

Hey Becca,

I have found it best to believe folks when they tell me how they feel—best because alternative is largely driving my self insane 2nd guessing precisely why their unique terms and activities never make, what changed, and whether or not it was anything used to do. That kind of insane creating never gets me personally anyplace. But also for quite a few years I managed to get caught up involved, so I definitely understand where your face are at.

Your own friend is not into you. She likes you as a buddy. You are having problems trusting her because of the woman flirtatious conduct.

Here’s the one thing, though. Your friend could have planned to “fake day” you in order to find out if she’d want to really date you—and determined that she didn’t like to date you for so many legitimate explanations, some of them becoming:

• she actually is drawn to your body not psychologically or the other way around

• the woman is bicurious but not prepared date a female

• She has thoughts for an ex and isn’t ready to be with any person nowadays

• She likes attention from women—and homosexual women readily give attention to additional ladies irrespective of their particular sexuality

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We have discussed flirty relationships prior to, and
look for about this right here
in the event it makes it possible to discover closure from the whole circumstance.

You didn’t ask me personally what your friend ended up being thinking, however. You questioned everything I will have made of her behavior additionally the answer is: it all depends.

There are absolutely occasions I would personally have thought she was actually into myself, whilst performed. There are also occasions i might have observed through the woman conduct in order to comprehend that she wished my personal affection and attention, but would never reciprocate romantically.

There are definitely occasions i might have presumed she was into me, whilst did. There are additionally instances I would have experienced through the woman conduct to know that she wished my personal affection and interest, but would never reciprocate romantically.

Really does your friend recognize as a lesbian, or features she previously dated or slept with a lady? If she’s been directly recognized until she stated she wanted to fake big date both you and have a bear baby, I then’d brush off the woman behavior as typical flirty/bicurious direct woman. I might have flirted and already been caring together when it made me feel well to do that, although not anticipated it become any such thing real.

Certainly, for a lot of, feminine sex is actually liquid many of those straight-identified females would go on to embrace their particular bi or lesbian part, eventually, occasionally making use of the women they flirt with. It may happen—but its uncommon, and it is usually a complete waste of mental fuel to pursue those ladies.

Certainly, for many people, female sexuality is actually liquid and a few among these straight-identified ladies do embark on to accept their bi or lesbian side, eventually, sometimes with all the ladies they flirt with. It could happen—but it is unusual, and it’s often a waste of mental energy to follow those ladies.

Easily knew she appreciated females and she acted in that way, i might have believed I had a chance with her and may have expected this lady out. But she made by herself obvious. She wants a friendship only. Carry out the woman (while) the support of trusting this lady, and find a person who is actually psychologically readily available and is in fact a lesbian or bisexual.

If you wish to pull back from relationship for a time, as you’ve considered there is prospective therefore’ve been rebuffed, that is good. Require some area out of this friend before youare able to see the girl platonically again. Make use of that additional time to follow other females and then make it obvious towards girl mate that you are driving for dateable females to eliminate any weirdness either people can be experiencing.

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